Things That I’ve Called “The Worst”

If you know me, you know I’m a super positive, optimistic person. But recently, I’ve noticed that I call a lot of things “the worst.” It’s just a phrase I use a lot, like “hard pass” (for things I’m sure I don’t want to do, e.g. go out after a post-day-drinking nap) and “hot magma” (for drinks that are extremely hot, like hot chocolate from Dunkin).

Here’s just a recent sampling of things that I’ve called “the worst”:

A hangnail

A sliver of garlic peel stuck in your nail bed (true, sad story)

A canker sore

Foot cramps

Having an itch on the bottom of my foot

When you think you’re biting into a dill pickle and it’s a sweet pickle (this may actually be the worst)

The middle seat on the plane

Having to change my work computer password every 60 days

Paper cuts

When you think you see a parking space but it’s taken by a short car

Forgetting to DVR the game with an extra 30 minutes

Anything about the Teen Moms in US Weekly – I don’t care about you, teen moms!

Matty (in a specific context)

Me (in separate specific contexts)

Manspreaders on the subway (Hi, you don’t get an extra half a seat for your thigh, sir.)

The persistent high-pitched tone in my office

Those spam calls from the number with the same first 6 digits as my phone number

Voicemail

Gmail storage space at capacity

Realizing you’re out of milk when you’ve already poured the cereal in the bowl and put washed, cut berries on top

Instacart delivering Barbara’s Oat Crunch instead of Multigrain Spoonfuls (IN WHAT WAY IS THAT A LEGIT “SUBSTITUTION”, LYDIA?! Check yourself before you wrickety-wreck yourself.)

Len being 9-0 in our fantasy football league (We miss you, Mark.)

Taking my umbrella out of my bag to make it .2 lbs lighter and then getting stuck walking home in the pouring rain, but with such a light bag!

People who say “well” when you ask how they’re doing (Hooray for you, Professor Grammar Pants; I bet you still tell your kids they *may* go to the bathroom.)