So your ride-or-die keeps veering towards the latter and it’s starting to get a little ridiculous. Don’t worry, I got you. I’ve compiled this handy guide to answer your burning questions. Wait…what?! It’s simple, really. In August, my husband stepped on a bee/wasp/stingy thing nest while on a hike with our two kids and dog, … Continue reading FAQs About Dealing With a Loved One’s Near-Fatal Bee Attack and Subsequent Triple Bypass and Mini Stroke
Do we even say “Happy Festivus”? I mean, “happy” doesn’t seem the right emotion for our annual* airing of grievances. So allow me to wish you a satisfied and vindictive Festivus. Without further ado, let’s begin the airing of grievances! Vertigo – Vertigo’s like getting super drunk at a total rippahhh and then trying to … Continue reading Happy (Day After) Festivus 2020! Sponsored by Vertigo
It’s (the day after) Thanksgiving, the time when we reflect on all we have to be grateful for. This is the third installment in our critically disregarded Gratitude Series. You might think I’m running out of things for which to be grateful (I do know proper grammar; I just choose not to use it), but … Continue reading Things I’m Grateful For/Pandemic Edition – Faster and Gratefuller III
(A guest post from the Bert & Duke blog.) Hey guys, guess who just turned 9? If you guessed George, G$ or Duke, you’re correct. If you were like, what? Weren’t you just a baby like a minute ago? You’re also correct. What’s it like turning 9 during a pandemic? Let’s just say when my … Continue reading George on Turning 9: “More Challenges, More Questions, Funner”
Dear Friends, This will be a less funny Letters & Lists post, kind of like “a very special episode” of Diff’rent Strokes but with less (possibly no) Mr. Drummond. We took this photo the night before Matty went in for heart surgery. Matty hates that I feel the need to chronicle our entire life in … Continue reading A Completely Un-Reluctant Thank You Note to Friends
Dear Bees, Originally, this was gonna be a “Suck it, you can’t have him” letter in which I rub it in your face that despite your best attempts, you did not steal my husband from me. You and your little Matriarchal society (respect) drones may have attacked him with your butt swords (I don’t know … Continue reading A Reluctant Thank You Note to Bees
Normally, the Back to School routine is pretty basic: 1) Fail to get official school supply list so wing it with endless supply of pencils that they will never use, Lysol wipes and tissues. It’s 2020 and our kids use computers for everything, but somehow they always convince me that they need 75 pencils with … Continue reading It’s Back to (Home)school Time!
Do you know why I went into advertising? Because I saw the movie “Crazy People.” In the film, Emory Leeson, played by the fabulous Dudley Moore, gets so stressed out by his job as an “advertising executive” (which, like in most ad movies, is actually a hybrid account executive/creative director/media planner role), that he gets … Continue reading Adventures in Advertising – Part 1
Dear Everyone Who’s Ever Emailed Me, In the words of the unlikable Justin Bieber, is it too late now to say sorry? I have a serious email problem. (Nope, not the one about the sign offs.) Like 4,271 unread emails serious. I also have the crappiest system ever invented for responding to emails. The system … Continue reading Dear Everyone Who’s Ever Emailed Me,
After social-distancing for the last seven weeks with the same three people (and one dog), I’m starting to get a feel for the different types of quarantine personas. Take this simple quiz to find out which O’Rourke is your quarantine style twin! 1. My quarantine fashion can best be described as: a. athleisure, same as … Continue reading What’s Your Quarantine Style?