The Forever To-Do List

To-Do lists are great. I’ve previously mentioned how important they are. However, I’ve run into a slight problem with mine and it is this: there are some things I just never check off. These items on my Forever To-Do List give me the exact opposite feeling of checking off things; they make me feel unsatisfied, unaccomplished, and unhappy. So much so, in fact, that I’ve started putting really trivial, stupid things on my to-do list to counterbalance them. For example, “cut watermelon.” Laugh it up, jerks, but guess who’ll be getting one more check on her to-do list later this morning? This guy.

Here are the thorns in my side from the Forever To-Do List that have proven to be slightly harder than cutting up a watermelon:

1. “Will – signed”

I’ve written my will, power of attorney, healthcare proxy, etc, but now I need to sign them in front of two witnesses. For some reason, this is overwhelming to me. So, if you’re planning on murdering me, please wait until after I have these important papers signed in front of some witnesses, including in one case, a notary public. Also, let me know if you’re a notary public. I’ll pay you in cut-up watermelon.

2. “Clean Side Closet”

I feel like I just cleaned the side closet. The side closet is, as the name suggests, a closet on the side of our house. It’s also our not-so-secret hiding place for all our junk. Things you need to donate to Goodwill? Put it in the side closet. Stacks of paperwork we need to hide before the cleaning lady comes? Hide it in the side closet. Kids’ helmets/jackets/lunch bags/hats/soccer stuff? Throw it in the side closet. Impulse purchases (cough, cough, super Slip & Slide, Matty)? Side closet. Also, the side closet has its own side closet, so it’s really two jobs in one.

3. “Essay”

I’ve been trying to write a bunch of humorous memoir-esque essays for my someday book for a while now. I started one about a month ago about how I choose my mom friends (sneak peek: they can’t be perfect), and I’m hoping that publicly admitting that I can’t seem to finish it will spur me on. Maybe I’m too used to writing letters and lists that I can’t write an essay anymore?

4. “eBay”

Is there anything more overwhelming than selling stuff on eBay? Yes, getting your will signed in front of two witnesses, but we’ve already been over that. Anyway, there’s a reason they have those seemingly ridiculous stores that sell your eBay stuff for you. Because it’s a pain in the ass. You have to gather up all the stuff, photograph it professionally, research the right price, figure out how much you should charge for shipping, craft a compelling listing description, and oh my god, I’m overwhelmed just writing out the steps. I’m just gonna give this stuff to Goodwill. I just have to find it in the side closet first.

Please tell me you have something forever unchecked on your to-do list. I’m off to check off “write blog post about Forever To-Do List.”