Granted, it was at the end of 2015, but when Buzzfeed asks, I answer. (Just kidding, I don’t care what piece of IKEA furniture I am or how I’d get murdered on Murder, She Wrote – okay, fine, I do – thrown from a drugged horse. Predictable.) The end of the year is a time … Continue reading Questions Buzzfeed Told Me To Ask Myself
Guys, it’s my one year blogiversary! (In lieu of flowers, please send JP Licks’ ice cream cakes with stupid things in icing on them. On second thought, don’t; they might not mail well.) I’ve written 42 (this makes 43) blog posts in a year, 20 letters, 21 lists, and one hybrid. So, just like Project … Continue reading Things I’ve Learned In A Year of Letters & Lists
Dear Santa, Not you, real Santa in the North Pole with the elf army and whatnot. And not you, shopping mall Santa, whom, as I just explained to my kids, is not real Santa but one of an army of lookalikes he sends to do his bidding. Like real Santa has time to go to … Continue reading Dear Santa
Unless you live under a rock in a special under-rock world where Oprah doesn’t exist, I’m guessing you already know that gratitude is good for your health. I try teach Hazy and George to be grateful and to lead by example. So, a day late two days late and most likely more than a few … Continue reading Things I’m Grateful For
Dear Twisted Sister, Thank you for writing the anthemic song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” In its honor, I’d like to list a number of things that I’m not gonna take (anymorrrrrrre). I’m not gonna take: People waving me to go at an intersection when I have the right of way. Sarcastic thanks! Speaking of … Continue reading Dear Twisted Sister
Dear November, Holy hell, how are you here already? I feel like I just wrapped up my summer blog and we’re already midway through mofo decorative gourd season! No offense, but you’re kind of a creeper. One minute I’m trying to get George to wear his Darth Vader mask while trick or treating because otherwise … Continue reading Dear November
When I was little, I dreamed of being a lot of things: an actress, a veterinarian, a businesswoman named Diane Verenburg (don’t ask), a mom, sure, but never specifically a soccer mom. I just don’t think that was a thing when I was growing up. We didn’t do so many “activities.” We just rode our … Continue reading Stages of Children’s Soccer
I found out it was National Lobster Day just in the nick of time yesterday. (Thank you, Meghan, for your tweet.) I picked myself up a pound-and-a-halfer at Wegman’s and somewhat-humanely murdered it for dinner. I’ve also celebrated National Ice Cream Day, National Wine Day, and somewhat half-harrrrrghtedly, National Talk Like a Pirate Day (see … Continue reading Proposed National Holidays
Dear People Who Think I’m Crazy, Wait, let me narrow that down a bit. Dear People Who Think I’m Crazy for Getting Another Dog, I know. I KNOW. Beatz nearly destroyed me. I loved her like a member of the family (still do!), because that’s what she was. Beatz terrified me with her ghost-barking (that’s … Continue reading Dear People Who Think I’m Crazy
Last week, I mentioned to my old boss that it’s my birthday on Monday. He laughed at me, “You still tell people it’s your birthday?” Yep, I’m definitely that type. But while I’m not ready to stop acknowledging my birthday altogether, I am starting to feel my years. I can definitely remember thinking people my … Continue reading List of Accomplishments
