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Dear Twisted Sister

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Dear Twisted Sister,

Thank you for writing the anthemic song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” In its honor, I’d like to list a number of things that I’m not gonna take (anymorrrrrrre).

I’m not gonna take:

  • People waving me to go at an intersection when I have the right of way. Sarcastic thanks!
  • Speaking of thanks, pop up windows that give me the option of “Yes, take survey” or “No, thanks”. How about instead of making me thank you against my will, you offer a third box that says, “No, you’ve annoyed me for the last time with this pop-up.”?(Feel free to have your UX people shorten that.)
  • Stop & Shop being out of everyday basics like broccoli, mini bagels, and Seriously Sharp Cabot cheddar cheese. What am I supposed to tell the children/myself, Stop & Shop when we have to put Vermont Sharp on our Ritz like some kind of animals?!
  • People calling me ma’am. What am I, Webster’s mom?
  • My family refusing to replace the butter with a new stick from the freezer. If I have to ice-pick another piece of butter off a frozen stick, fam, well, I think you can figure it out without me incriminating myself on my own blog.
  • Rosie bringing my slippers into her crate and (I assume) planning on eating them.
  • Serving sizes. Did you know a serving size of Tostitos is 13 chips? Ha! 13 chips is the amount I snack on while waiting for my nachos to cook in the microwave.

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    I’m assuming you disregard the broken ones in your total count.
  • Loud chewing in commercials. My friend Lesley informs me that there’s a Purina Beneful commercial where even the dog is getting in on the gross chewing action. Now you’re gonna make me hate a dog, Purina? Amateur hour. And p.s. Beneful is a lame name. Sounds like a pharmaceutical.
  • Loud chewing in life. Guys, guys. We’ve gone over this before.
  • “But her emails!” (No, not “her” emails, but seriously, not gonna take that anymore either, my emails) – My email system, like my digital photo system, is somewhere between non-existent and idiotic. I spent hours cleaning out my gmail today, because I recently noticed I’m at something like 95% of my storage space, and I still have 634 unread emails in my IN BOX.

As a follow up, can you write a follow-up song that’s a little more specific about what we’re gonna do in lieu of taking it?

Thanks in advance,

Natasha

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