Dear Parent Trap

Dear Parent Trap (the Lindsay Lohan version, not that that’s important),

Let me get this straight: the basic plot of this movie is that identical twin sisters meet at summer camp and trade places, so that each can meet their previously unknown biological parent and scheme to get them back together.

WHAT.

So these two adults, who otherwise don’t seem insane in any way, meet, fall in love, get married, have twin daughters, and then decide to each choose a daughter and RAISE THEM IN SEPARATE COUNTRIES WITH NO PLANNED FURTHER COMMUNICATION FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. You know, like people do.

Let’s just imagine this divorce for a second.

“Nick, I think we both know this isn’t work out. We’re just such opposites.”

“You’re right. And that’s probably the only thing we can agree on: this marriage is over. Well, that, and we should probably each takes one of these babies and raise them completely separately.”

“And never tell them about each other!”

“Never.”

“What should we tell them about their other parent?”

“The bare minimum. Here, let me tear this photo of us in half. This torn photo will be all they know of their other parent.”

“Do you want to see the other daughter on Christmas or Thanksgiving or anything?”

“No. We’ll each just pretend we only have one daughter.”

“Agreed. This plan is fool proof. I’ll live in England; you in California.”

There’s also a nanny, Chessy, who goes with the dad and one daughter. So there was a third adult who allowed this to happen.

Chessy: “Hey guys, won’t it be hard for the girls to only know one parent and never meet each other?”

“Shut up, Chessy. You’ll go live with Nick and Twin A in California. Forget you ever knew Twin B.”

“But…”

“THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.”