Dear Parent Who Told Their Kid About the Great Pumpkin, I think it’s sweet that you told your child about the Great Pumpkin. Every family has their own holiday traditions, and I’m glad you have yours. My kids had vaguely heard about the Great Pumpkin from the Charlie Brown movie. If you recall, that Great … Continue reading Dear PWTTKATGP

Dear Cassidy

Dear Cassidy, I’ve loved you since you were a little elf baby, roaming the beaches of Hawaii in the buff, stealing my shoes and my heart. And here you are graduating from college next month like some kind of grown ass woman. How did this happen? Graduating from college is a big mofo deal, and … Continue reading Dear Cassidy

Dear Christmas

Dear Christmas, Slow your f*cking roll. I am losing my Santadamn mind over here. I have a matter of days to do the following: Get a tree. Decorate the tree. Redecorate the tree after the kids “help.” Deal with this mofo and all his too-small-for-anything boxes. 24 of them. Prepare to host Friendsgiving, which we … Continue reading Dear Christmas

Items On My “Be a Better Person” List That I am Failing To Check Off

I’m not saying I have an actual physical list entitled “Things I Can Do To Be a Better Person;” that would be weird.  Plus, my lists are usually scribbled keywords that I assume I’ll understand later, but don’t. (“Coats? Wash the coats? Take the coats out of storage? Buy coats for the coat drive? Tweet … Continue reading Items On My “Be a Better Person” List That I am Failing To Check Off