Things I’m Grateful For/Pandemic Edition – Faster and Gratefuller III

It’s (the day after) Thanksgiving, the time when we reflect on all we have to be grateful for. This is the third installment in our critically disregarded Gratitude Series. You might think I’m running out of things for which to be grateful (I do know proper grammar; I just choose not to use it), but there’s always a few more:

1. Threepeat champions, my family. There’s nothing quite like a mofo flock of bees trying to murder your husband followed by his triple bypass surgery to make you realize that maybe the way he loads the dishwasher (ridiculously badly) and chews almonds (cripplingly horribly) are not that bad in the grand scheme of things. And while Matty was surviving Beemageddon and heart surgery, Hazy and George were my rocks, showering me with love, leading by oblivious example, and reminding me that anytime’s a good time for nachos. Rosie even decreased her rug-peeing frequency, bless her heart.

2. Vermont Cremont cheese. This will sound like an exaggeration but this cheese is life-altering good. I write Natasha Cremont in flowery cursive in my diary and imagine how beautiful and creamy our children would be. I’m additionally grateful that my friend Anne is my cheese connection, and buys and drops it off for me on a consistent basis.
3. Doctor Tollis, Dr. Goldman, Dr. Hochberg, Dr. Meier-Ewart, the Bethel EMTs, and all the outstanding NPs and nurses at Mass General who saved Matty’s life and therefore mine, and then helped him recover with grace, humor, and compassion. (These are obviously not in order, guys, I don’t place cheese over my husband’s wellbeing, despite what you may have heard. But seriously, Vermont Cremont, try it.)
4. My Nana. This incredible gift of a human being is 103, takes nothing but Vitamins, and Skypes with us almost every day. It’s an absolute gift to bask in her love. Yes, she has good days and bad, and occasionally calls me “Lolita” (I take it as a compliment on my youthful looks), but she also blows kisses and tells me she loves me more. I’m also grateful to my Auntie Julie, and cousins Jeanie, Elaine and Josh, who visit with Nana all the time, help her get on Skype, and give her all the hand holds, hugs and kisses that we so desperately wish we could. Special shoutout to Josh who smuggled in soup dumplings to the old folks home. Hero.

5. The teachers saints who teach my kids and dozens others day in and day out, dealing with Zoom issues, distracted kids and meddling parents and somehow managing not to scream, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUTTTTT UPPPP!” every second of every day.
6. The Smartless Podcast. I’ve loved Jason Bateman since the Hogan Family (if there’s a better comedic moment than the episode in which he thinks he’s killed Mrs. Pool’s dog, I don’t know what it is) and it’s a joy to hear him, Sean Hayes and Will Arnett rip on each other. If you haven’t listened yet, start with the Melissa McCarthy or Maya Rudolph episode; you can’t go wrong with either.
7. Bees. I already thanked them here. (Don’t get greedy, bees.)
8. The Spelling Bee app from the NY Times. I was already obsessed with the crossword, and now Spelling Bee. I love word games and I love word games that occasionally call me a genius even better.

9. My friends. And yes, I’ve already thanked them too (here), but I could never thank them enough. I love them even more than Vermont Cremont and Spelling Bee put together. Chans, I would give you my kidneys and any other organs if you needed them.
10. Joggers. Sweatpants but make it fashion. I’ve never managed to get into yoga so yoga pants feel like I’m living a lie, but joggers? I might jog into the kitchen to make nachos at any time.
11. Zoom. Sure, it’s glitchy and 10% of the time the camera doesn’t work and when it’s in presentation mode, you can’t tell that you’re still on camera and might accidentally pee on camera in front of 1000’s of people on a phone bank call, but it’s been a lifesaver for maintaining some sort of semblance of a social life.

12. The Home Alone Trilogy. You might think the third, Macauley-less H.A. is a poor man’s version of the first, but my kids are watching it now and laughing their asses off. Truth be told, I am too. Nothing like seeing bad guys get repeatedly hit in the head/balls/butt with household objects for a good belly laugh.
13. Maine. We spent two months in Bethel over the summer and it was such a godsend. We’re back here for another month and I’m already breathing easier. Maine used to have a slogan, “The way life should be,” and it rings true, except for the bee thing. (I already thanked you, bees, buzz off.) This place has a way of bringing out my outdoorsy side, which is really something, considering I literally have a sweatshirt that says “Indoorsy.”

14. Ted Lasso. I haven’t felt this invested in a fictional sports team since the Dillon Panthers. (Crossing out Natasha Cremont and writing Natasha Riggins. #texasforever)
15. Dogs – especially mine, Rosie, who’s let me use her as a human Puffs Plus this year, but also Damon (Rosie’s gentleman caller), Teddy, Fox, Trixie, Barley, and all the other dogs who bring their families so much joy and comfort.
16. Jennifer Waddell and her sick photography skills. This is our second year getting family photos with her and this time I was like, “I have to remember to lecture the kids about not being moody turds precisely at photo shoot time,” but once again forgot until we were in the middle of the photo shoot and they were being moody turds. She still somehow managed to get these photos.

17. Grape popsicles because they gave Matty a little bit of joy and comfort in the hospital.
18. My bullet journal, for letting me pretend to be organized and giving me the satisfaction of crossing stuff off.
19. Dr. Fauci, Joe Biden, the new Covid task force, doctors, nurses, NPs, other hospital workers, restaurant employees, grocery store employees, delivery people, people who wear masks and social distance, and everyone else who’s doing something to help us get through this pandemic.
20. Ghiradelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix – I don’t even like brownies that much, but I like-like these brownies like Kevin Arnold like-liked Winnie Cooper.
21. Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit Mix – I don’t even like cheddar biscuits, just kidding, I f*cking love cheddar biscuits and you add shredded cheddar cheese to this mix when you make them and you can imagine how awesome they taste.

I’m always grateful to everyone who reads my blog and extra grateful to people who comment on it.