List of Accomplishments

Last week, I mentioned to my old boss that it’s my birthday on Monday. He laughed at me, “You still tell people it’s your birthday?” Yep, I’m definitely that type.  But while I’m not ready to stop acknowledging my birthday altogether, I am starting to feel my years. I can definitely remember thinking people my age were old. So to make myself feel better, I’ve put together this list of my accomplishments over the last 39+(+) years. (And yes, I realize I’ve already written a pretty personal horn-tooting post about all the Top 40 lists I belong on, but bragging is my self-esteem tool, so indulge me.)

LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS (insert bugle sound here):

1. Learned to swim before I learned to walk.
2. Got away with lots of hijinx by blaming it on my imaginary friend, Tues (rhymes with “puss”).
3. Had real friends even though had an imaginary friend named Tues. (Thanks, MRR and LQ!)
4. Pooped in leotard at gymnastics and thought I had successfully pulled off a lie denying it.
5. Threw up after getting first ear pierced due to fear of needles, still got second ear pierced.
6. Survived being stranded at sea during a scuba trip went awry and reimagined the story with me as the brave leader instead of the sobbing BC-vest-whistle-blowing freaker-outer for my college admissions essay.
7. Told a blind man to admire some pretty seashells.
8. Finished a Kimball Special.
9. Played my first four water polo games in a weekend tournament. Made bad decision to eat Pizzeria Uno’s deep dish pizza in between games 2 and 3. (Kerry booted in a dixie cup. We lost handily.)
10. Won the Golden Bra All-Female Beer Pong Tourney in NYC circa 2006 (Where is my trophy, Misong?!)
11. Attempted to start a bar fight with a girl who then removed her hoop earrings, survived.
12. Told my then-boyfriend Peter to “hurry up” and pulled him by his hand, right before a giant pane of glass fell on the sidewalk right where he’d been standing. (Slow walkers be warned!)
13. Ate raw sea urchin eggs in Sicily.
14. Got food poisoning in Sicily, but still had the time of my life because the hotel staff all called me “Principessa” and brought soup to my room and I felt like I was living in a movie.
15. Convinced a party full of strangers that I was a pet psychic named Opal. Took photos of my friend “Kiki” the “private eye” and me posing with everyone at said party.
16. Pretended to like ham for an entire Easter dinner at my friend Jean’s aunt’s home.
17. Fronted an all girl rock band called, “It’s Me, Margaret”. We wrote one song and performed for one night. There are still t-shirts out there.
18. Married my favorite person in the world.

    

19. Sang “White Wedding” horribly off-key at a karaoke bar in my wedding dress at the after-party.
20. Stayed married even after I discovered his chronic flatulence problem and after the snoring started.
21. Pushed two children out of my nether regions. Taught them how to get their shoes on in less than 47 minutes at the tender ages of 5 and 8.
22. Overcame my tone deafness to win Connelly Idol karaoke competition after 6 consecutive years of failure. (Don’t worry, did not sing “White Wedding.”)
23. Performed wedding ceremonies for three fantastic couples, including one where Matty and I transformed ourselves into Southern Baptist ministers who frequently broke out in song. (“Panama” works surprisingly well in spoken word form.)
    

    

    
24. Taught my children to sing, “….around!” whenever I tell them they’re the best.
25. Communicated with our dog via a pet psychic to find out why she had so much anxiety. (Her name was not Opal.)
26. Saved a drowning victim (fine, it was a bee in the baby pool, but we all know bees are critical to our food supply, so you’re welcome).
27. Marched on Washington.

    

28. Ate at least 3-4 bites of Hattie B’s Shut The Cluck Up hot chicken in Nashville.
29. Won that water gun-clown mouth-balloon game at various fairs upwards of 5 times.
30. Ran at least a mile (and sometimes up to 14.1) every day for 216 days in a row (and counting).
31. Only casually dropped, “The other day when I was out on a run…” as a thinly-veiled brag about half those days.
32. Wrote a blog post that got over 25 comments! (That’s a future accomplishment – let’s make that happen on this post as my birthday gift.)

High five to me!