Dear TForce Van Driver

Dear TForce Van Driver,

Hey! Remember me? I’m the one who honked at you after you pulled a complete dick move at the Centre St/Arborway rotary on Monday. Here’s a diagram I sketched to jog your memory.

I know rotaries can be confusing, so let’s walk through what happened today.

You: Entered the rotary without yielding to traffic, blocking an entire exit. When I honked at you, you came to a full stop and stared at me confrontationally, displaying a dazzling lack of both self-awareness and basic rotary knowledge.

Me: Born and bred in Massachusetts, drive through that rotary about once a week. Surprised to find some dickhole blocking an entire exit and even more surprised to have him come to a complete stop as if I was the one who had done something wrong. In case this is still unclear, I was the one honking at you.

TForce Van Driver, I work hard at dealing with my road rage. I’m a mom now, and I can’t go taking off my earrings and getting ready to rumble at every perceived slight on the road. However, I also believe in using my horn as both a classical conditioning technique and a defensive warning. In this case, I’ll admit it was more of the former. If you hadn’t come to a complete stop and made douche-face at me, I would probably apologize here for honking at you. After all, a quick Google search suggests TForce is a Dallas, TX based company, and perhaps you genuinely don’t know how rotaries work. But the thing is, TForce also appears to be a courier driving service, in which case, I have to assume (hope?) that they gave you some basic driver’s ed training which included a section on rotaries. But here’s the thing: you did come to a complete stop and make douche-face at me.

I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver, TForce Van Driver. I’ll even admit, and this is rare, that I am a below-average driver. I have no sense of direction and I’m easily flustered. I also make mistakes all the time, sometimes even in rotaries! A mistake I frequently make is realizing I’m in a left or right turn only lane too late when I’m going straight. Then I’m that jerk holding up traffic with my blinker on until some kind soul lets me into the correct lane. But guess what I do when that happens? Do I…

A) Come to a complete stop and give that person a “come at me, bro” look,

or

B) Give the universal “thank you” hand signal and the universal “so sorry I’m a dope” facial expression?

I choose “B”, TForce Van Driver! Every damn time. Perhaps you should work on you’re “so sorry I’m a dope” face and give your “Yes, I am an assmobile! Beep beep!” face a break.

I’ll close with a line my husband and I use on each other when we disagree, which is, APOLOGY ACCEPTED.